#ARC Review || The Feeling of Forever by Jamie Howard || Let’s Talk Positivity

The Feeling of Forever by Jamie Howard

Amazon || Goodreads

Published Feb 7, 2017

eARC via NetGalley + St. Martin’s Press

Juliet St. Clair has spent her life under Hollywood’s spotlight. While being America’s favorite girl next door has had its perks, having to testify against her stalker to put him behind bars certainly wasn’t one of them. But when she thinks about walking away from it all, she can’t help remembering the enormous pile of medical bills her family is drowning under. Bills that just keep on coming.

Felix Donovan had it all–stunning good looks, gorgeous women, and a spot as the drummer to a band that’s sitting pretty at the top of the charts. Until one life-altering decision left him paralyzed from the waist down. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he wins this year’s Sexiest Man award, but the one thing he immediately does is send out a Non-disclosure agreement. Hiding his condition from the public is hard as hell, but he’s not ready to face the world while he’s still struggling to accept his new reality.

Except this year’s Sexiest Woman–Juliet St. Clair–never looks at him with pity, only desire. But falling for Juliet means a permanent spot in the tabloids, a decision Felix isn’t sure he’s ready to make. And when Juliet’s stalker re-emerges from her past, Felix’s secret isn’t the only thing at stake, it could cost Juliet her life. 

Hello collection of beautiful people—quite literally. We open this story at the photography session for the Most Beautiful Woman and the Most Beautiful Man. Juliet is gorgeous, and is severely frustrated that no one sees past her surface (she’s curious, and a reader, and addicted for Fringe). Felix was just in a horrible (sort of?) accident that left the lower half of his body immobile. This is a huge hit to his ego, his sense of self, and his hope. When these two meet at the session, it’s all sly joking and surprises that they’re both more than what is shown on the outside. And I mean hidden depths, epiphanies, and pasts that aren’t meant to be relived…

This book is packed full of positivity, so this post is going to three positive point that were brought home in this book—because we all need a bit of a pick-me-up.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS; NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

Let’s be real here—bad things are going to happen in life. Some things are worse than others. Some things are much, much worse than others. You’re going to see something that someone else has that you don’t, and you’re going to want it.

I can talk about how I have positive quotes on my walls in all the colors of the rainbow all I want; this helps me when the negative thoughts get too negative. I have to remind myself that I am okay, that this isn’t the end. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I need something more. Whatever that horrible thing is, it’s going to pass eventually. It could be tomorrow, next week, or twenty years from now.

I’m sorry that it takes so long sometimes, but look the people who love you in the eyes. Hug your pets tighter. Embrace the material things you love (LIKE BOOKS!) and let yourself wander.

So many things in THE FEELING OF FOREVER were out of the person who is affected by it’s control. I admire these people for not letting their disappointments consume them, for transforming their sadness into bravery and into hope. They were able to recognize that the moment they were living in is only a split second in time. I really like that notion.

(All that being said I REALLY want a book with our MC’s sister. I feel like she’s actually here to kick some serious butt.)

LOOK FOR THE PERSON WHO SEES ALL OF YOU; THEY’RE OUT THERE

I don’t know about you, but this girl is def not aromantic. I need romance like hot milk needs some scoops of chocolate. For me, there battle cry should have been “give me romance or give me death” though, not going to lie, liberty is real nice. Especially if we’re chatting about Lady Liberty.

When you’re looking for someone who sees all of you, I think it’s important to remember that that person may not be a romantic someone. It could be a best friend or a family member. I think that person is an incredibly important to have in anyone’s life. Who is anyone without al the preconceived notions that society shoves on their shoulders?

Whoever that is, hold on to them tight.

This is the story of people holding on tight, not giving up, and of resisting the easy path.

BE FEARLESS IN THE PURSUIT OF WHAT YOU DESERVE; IT’S OKAY TO MESS UP A BIT

Be blunt. Our MC isn’t afraid to lay her heart on the line, but she doesn’t do it in a way that makes you think that she expects anything in return. It’s more like “this is how I feel” and I love it. I think that’s brave, and I think that gets her more of what she wants in life. Which, as we all can acknowledge, is pretty fantastic.

Do the things that make you happy in life—whether that be acting, or watching Netflix, or reading all the books and learning all the things. Be productive and strive for success, but take the time to do the things that bring you that infinite joy.

Okay, so if you can’t tell, I really enjoyed this book. It has some intrigue, some hidden elements. It had romance and (some) diversity. It had a believable plot that moved at a nice speed. I’m not super picky when it comes to that though. Overall, just do yourself a GIANT favor and grab yourself a copy when it comes out. Or, better yet, pre-order it.

This Book Has Me Swooning Over Buildings. I’m Serious.

I went into this book with just about zero expectation. I tend to not enjoy books where there are kids involved. (what in the world is going on with all these readers hoping that Feyre is going to end up preg in A Court of Wings and Ruin???)

I stumbled upon Dare to Love by C. P. Santi on twitter. I’ve gotten SO MANY good recs on that social platform, but this one is one for the record books. The premise is this: a single mother who lives at a convent with her religious family finds this tatted up male sleeping in her bed. What follows is a want to love tug-of-war with herself, and ultimately, deciding if she is able to open her heart.

The name of this main girl is Gia, and she is strong as hell. She’s also got this great gig restoring architecture, and her passion is old churches. Which is just, so freaking cool. I didn’t really know all that went into that, but then I started researching and was like wow. Woah. Not my thing, I like writing more than numbers, but what a cool opportunity.

I’ve decided to compile a list of all the places I’d like to work on if I were in the restoration business. Enjoy, lovelies.

Minor Basilica of St. Lorenzo Ruiz
Plaza L. Ruiz, Binondo, Manila

Cathedral Parish of St. Andrew
Quirino Ave., La Huerta, Parañaque City

Catedral de la Santa Cruz y Santa Eulalia
Barcelona, Spain

So let’s chat about wanderlust a bit. If you could go anywhere (outer space included!) where would you go? 

The Controversy Surrounding Sensitivity Readers

 

 

 

Recently there’s been some conversation about the role of sensitivity readers in works of literature during the pre-publication process. 

I, in all honestly, had never heard of this as a job before (it is!) and was, naturally, super-duper curious. So, folks, let’s talk about what a sensitivity reader is and their role in the publishing world, as well as what exactly went down on Twitter. Of course, I’ll also give you my opinions of what’s up.

What is a Sensitivity Reader?

This is a job, usually paid for by the publisher or author, to make sure that the book in question represents marginalized groups accurately. They look for bias in the work, and looks for triggers, racist remarks that could be used against groups of people (color of skin, religion, gender, sexuality). This is done before publication so that if/when something is found that needs to be fixed, it can be fixed.

There is no set number of sensitivity readers that can be employed for a single work. In fact, the more the better (I think) because then you get a variety of perspectives and opinions.

What’s Up with Twitter?

It goes like this: someone was hired and PAID to be a sensitivity reader and got so frustrated with the racism against Mexicans in the said work of fiction (it’s a YA book, but for reasons, I’m not going to disclose the book or the tweeter. I’m sure if you looked hard enough you can find them both!) that they ranted on Twitter about the racist remarks.

This brought up a whole pot of things. People were arguing about whether she should have disclosed anything at all since it was her job to help the publisher and author with the book’s representation of marginalized groups.

What do I Think?

I think all feeling as completely valid. I get that she was angry, and offended, and so, so incredibly hurt. However, she had a job to do. By going viral she violated an agreement—whether or not it was put to paper (the confidentiality, I mean) between her and the publisher. I mean, they went and got a sensitivity reader because they had concerns. Those concerns were found to be there and in the book and super hurtful.

This is what she agreed to read for though. Give the author and chance to fix it. Explain where the author went so wrong. Paint the author the picture that you see, the one that hurt you so much. Now that you’ve gone onto social media though, publishers and authors aren’t going to trust you. That person who tweeted all that out?

There’s a pretty good chance she isn’t going to get another gig as a sensitivity reader. I think that’s good. She wasn’t doing what she was paid to do, with the discretion that she was paid to do it, once she went live.

I sincerely hope the author fixed all her racist remarks and understands that what she wrote was wrong.

Here are the Books I’m Selling my Soul for in 2017

Y’ALL. There are so freaking many books that I can’t wait to get my hands on this year. I mean, let’s be real, some of these covers alone can be bought for #bookstagram worthy-ness. All the flowers. I’m swooning.

I swear I need to get one of those super cute fainting couches from the Victorian era. Granted those were for whalebone corsets stitched up to tight, but over-excitement from pretty books can be just as breathtaking.

I’m serious.

In case your TBR shelf isn’t toppling over already, I’ve rounded up fifteen of the books that I’m super-duper excited for right now. I hope you’ll add some to your Goodreads (because we all know that’s pretty much the greatest website on earth) and then tweet me some recs too!

Happy reading.
xoxo,
Jackie

One. 

We Are Okay by Nina Lacour

WHY I’M SUPER PUMPED: In the words of the great artist Paramore “I’m in the business of misery” + besides that I’ve heard some interesting things about what the trauma inflicted that caused out main girl to dash off is. Of course, it also doesn’t hurt that this cover is one of my favorites ever planted on the face of a work of fiction. Ever. 

Two.

Brave New Girl by Rachel Vincent

WHY THIS BOOK LOOKS SO DANG INTRIGUING: First off, it’s Rachel Vincent. SOUL SCREAMERS. Gah. Yes, please. *whisper screams* I love yoooou. Second- the name Trigger? Swoon. Third? “There’s a price for standing out.” Tell me the price and no one gets hurt. 

Three. 

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

UGH, BABE, LET ME TELL YOU WHY I NEED THIS BOOK: This book like a bubble of fantastic confusion all wrapped up in a nice, diverse bow. Sounds like just what this community needs after everything. (and no, I’m not going to name all the disgusting, cringe-worthy things that are going on in this big wide world right now. 

Four.

Lucky Girl by Amanda Maciel

THIS IS WHY THIS IS IMPORTANT: I write about Sex in YA, date rape drugs, and how no means no + only freaking yes means yes. These are things that light a fire in my soul. In the vein of THE FEMALE OF THE SPECIES, and THE WAY I USED TO BE–y’all I have to read it. I have to, I hate to, I have to. 

Five.

Fireworks by Katie Cotugno

LET ME TELL YOU A FEW THINGS: Heeeeeeell yes I want to read a book set in the 90’s about rockstar dreams and FRIENDSHIP and that cover? Oh that cover is just the cherry on top of the please buy me this book sundae. 

Six.

Wicked Like a Wildfire by Lana Popovic

I WANT IT BECAUSE: I just really, really love magic. Sparks and burns and the earth. Sisters and curses. Things not being all that they seem. GAH. This book cannot be published soon enough. I mean, AUGUST? Are you trying to kill me? 

Seven. 

The Last Thing You Said by Sara Biren

LEMME TELL YOU A FEW THINGS, LOVE: Dang, I mean I guess I just have a thing for books that drag you into the darkest, deepest pit of despair and then revive you. It’s hopeful, and tearful. I hope it lives up to my expectations, because they are incredibly high. Let me tell you. 

Eight. 

Done Dirt Cheap by Sarah Nicole Lemon

Y’ALL DO YOU SEE THIS: Renee Ahdieh’s review on Goodreads says-and I quote– “If you are haunted by the idea of a dark, modern fairy tale and knights in shining armor with Harleys for horses, this book is for you.” Need I say more? I mean really? 

Nine.

The Beast is an Animal by Paternelle van Arsdale

DON’T YOU WANT A BOOK WITH SOUL EATERS: Who freaking abandons their daughters in the forest? I mean, can we all just agree that that is rude? Of course, who freaking morphs into something not quite human? I love the not quite human. They’re my FAVE.  Book; come to mama. 

Ten.

Barbary Station by R.E. Stearns

ALL THE REASONS: Why, yes, I do love to read about space adventures even though actually going into the great, vast, never-ending, infinite outer space. *shudders* I mean that just freaks me the eff out. I mean imagine just floating…your touching nothing…you’ll run out of air, eventually. Worst nightmare. Whoo. Got off on a tangent there, didn’t I? Anyways girls kissing girls and being badass space pirates sounds hella cool. 

Eleven.

Raw Deal by Cherrie Lynn

RAISE YOUR HANDS IF YOU’RE HERE FOR MORE TRAGEDY: When a fight in the ring goes horribly, terribly wrong, nothing in anyone’s life is ever going to be the same ever again…Why yes I would love to see how recovery turns to healing and then into romance. I am so very much here for that. 

Twelve. 

The Devil’s Daughter by Katee Roberts

WHO DOESN’T LOVE A GOOD CULT NOVEL: Cult culture scares the crap out of me just as much as they fascinates me. The cult leader’s daughter- Eden- is a FBI Agent now. So obviously she’s incredibly strong and brave and just YES GIRL FOR EMBRACING OPPORTUNITIES AND CONQUERING EVIL. So mysterious. 

Thirteen. 

Lucian Divine by Renee Carlino

APPARENTLY ANGELS AREN’T ALL THEY SEEM AND THIS NOVEL: “My guardian angel is a drunk.” Pardon me while I just roll on the floor howling with laughter. 

Fourteen. 

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

I WANT THIS BECAUSE: I want this because it’s an important story. This one may be fictional, but there are so many that are similar in this world that ring the same wretched tune. We need to change that. To change it, empathy is needed. Books grant that unique ability. Also, Angie is just the bestest. 

Fifteen.

The Love Interest by Cale Dietrich

I AM SQEUEALING. THIS IS THE BOOK MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN BUILDING UP TO. There there are two dudes and a girl. The guys have been put on a mission to have said girl fall in love with one of them. So their rivals, right? BUT THEN SOMETHING HAPPENS. They make fun of YA book tropes, and they end up falling for each other. Oh, your training didn’t prepare you for this, boys. *cackles*

Things I’ve Found Since This Whole College Thing

Gah. I love this picture. I mean really. This is the aesthetic I dream of being my aesthetic. Let’s just replace the cappuccino with an americano and BABE WE ARE SET.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow United States Residents! I just love the fact that we choose to write out all the hella nasty things we did to the Natives in favor of recognizing that these folks went out of their way to make sure everyone (Native and New Folks alike) didn’t all die a short, painful, hunger and disease induced death. Conquering ‘new’ land is always such an ethical adventure, isn’t it? But, hey! Now we have turkey and mashed potatoes and dressing to eat on this fall-ish day of the year.

All of that is a rant for another time, though. And don’t kid yourself- there will be a rant.

Onto the more cheery things!

I’ve found out a few things since this college adventure thing. While I’m not totally wreaking havoc like the pilgrims did, I am trying to figure out how to live in this new environment. Sometimes that means asking RAs or my friends for help. Sometimes that means (GASP) leaving my cozy dorm room. To bring myself comfort, I’ve indulged a bit.

Here are a few things that I’ve learned to love since coming to Houston.

P O D C A S T S 

Y’ALL. Have you listened to the STUFF YOU SHOULD KNOW podcast on Spotify? It is actually one of my favorite things ever. These dudes get my sense of humor and let me explore my own curiosity. Want to know The Satanic Panic in the 80s? About Lizzie Borden? Gossip? The Voynich Manuscript?

This is your one stop shop.

C O O K I E B U T T E R 

Who freaking knew this stuff is so dang delicious/addicting? I can’t keep it in my room on account of having finished a jar of it in two weeks flat. I had only a spoon. Yummy.

C O F F E E S H O P S

I’m pretty sure that my roommates think I’m super strange, but I’m searching for an emotional connection to this city. I miss my home. The food and the square and the familiarity. I like knowing where everything is and what is new and when things are opening and closing and that feeling of comfort. My wandering the indie coffee shops of Houston helps me find myself a bit. I’ll walk in an look at the menu-pretend that I’ll order something other than an americano- and sit down and just stare out windows.

Two that I’m totally in love with are Toute Suite and EQ Heights. Gorgeous.

This is how I find my place in this vast city.

F R I E N D S

New, old, whatever. I love these gorgeous humans who’ve helped me find my footing. To my roomies: let’s go on more color wall and coffee shop adventures. Let’s take a trip to Galveston. To my life humans: dear lord I love y’all more than I can possibly say. I don’t know where to begin. I suppose y’all are all kind of stuck with me.

F A M I L Y

Awh, the last two are so cheesy. I’m grateful for the calls and the texts and the pictures sent of my pets. Also for letting me wander a bit. Hopefully it’s not in circles.

—

So, my lovely, lovely humans: what are you grateful for?

Let’s Talk about PTSD in Books, Folks

738 Days by StaceyKade || We Were Liars by E. Lockhart || All Fall Down by Ally Carter || The Impossible Knife of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson || Book two in Lexi series by S. Usher Evans || Embassy Row by Ally Carter || I’ll Meet You There by Heather Demetrios ||

I’m going to be perfectly frank with you: PTSD is something that I have no personal experience with. I don’t know what it feels like to have flashbacks to traumatic events, or to be set off by things that seem inconsequential to everyone but me. I don’t know what it is like to have a family member or to have a friend with the condition either. I feel like having PTSD would feel lonely. But I don’t know. 

These word seem to brush off the gravity of the mental state. The word conditional, I mean. I don’t know what word to use instead: affliction, disorder, illness. Every word seems wrong when I don’t actually have experience.

The reason that I think it needs to be portrayed in books more that just that: because there is still this taboo-ness about it, I think that books that broach the subject– especially with a younger audience (a younger audience that does know someone, or is someone). This is incredibly important, I think. 

Let’s talk a bit about what PTSD actually is.

Who can have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

The short answer is anyone.

The longer answer is this: people who have witnessed or experienced childbirth, soldiers who’ve experienced combat, anyone who has suffered a loss, a survivor of sexual assault, a person who has been through a natural disaster—any person who has lived through trauma.

Women are twice as likely as men to develop PTSD. In this entire us population, around 8 percent of people will experience PTSD.

What does it all entail?

No case is exactly the same as another case. Sometimes there are flashbacks, and other times there aren’t. Occasionally there are people who avoid triggers all together: sounds and sights and smells and tastes. Other people are hyper-vigilant. It’s all, from what I’ve read, totally dependent on the person and the experience. 

If you want to learn more about PTSD look at these websites: ADAA, NIH, US Gov. 

What does all this mean for books?

Well, my dear bookish people, this means that you can write and read stories that increase your awareness. This means that the more you read about the hard to talk about stuff, the more that’s going to be on the market. The less alone people feel. The more educated society is. The more open the conversation is. Less stigma. Less shame. Both good things.

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What are some books that have PTSD in them that are YA? Did you think that they allowed for a conversation to be had regarding the disorder? What do you think about books breaking conversation barriers?

To see all the recs lovely humans shouted out on Twitter, look at this link! 

This Queen Need a Book..or Maybe Her Successor Does

I adore history. I’m not super sure if you are very well aware of the matter. Have you heard of Mackenzi Lee? No? Well go check out her Friday fun days and you’ll get obsessed too. She’s a badass woman who talks about badass women.

I adore the sum of it. So freaking much.

I’m also just beginning this whole college thing. Already changing my major! Wheeeeee! This Parts of History shingdig is me trying to figure myself out while trying to make sense of the past. Not that that is at all possible. But it suuuuure is fun.

For my first one of this series I’ll be talking about the last Queen of Hawaii.

I’ll just begin with you can check out all this information on these websites: PBS, HISTORY.

As you just read, Lili’nokalani was the final queen of the kingdom of Hawaii. After having the throne passed down to her by her brother when she was in for 40s, she worked to restore Hawaii to it’s old ways. Those old ways being a monarchy instead of run by rich sugar plantation owners. As you may have been able to guess, these rich plantation owners were none too happy about her personal mission and went to the USA government to try to fight for their survival.

They wanted annexation, but Lili stood her ground. She, as demonstrated by Hawaii being a part of the USA today, was unable to win her battle. This was made particularly difficult where her niece (who she made her only heir since she and her American-born ship captain husband never had any children of their own) died of poor health at the young as heck age of 24 in 1899.

Whoops, forgot to mention that this queen lived from 1838 until her death in 1917.

This fun fact is important because women in positions of power is something virtually unheard of for the era.

(another fun fact, way wAY back, the Huns had no issue with female authority. In fact, women were warriors along side men. Read more about female warriors in history here.)

—

That’s about all I’ve got on this human. There will be more fun historical happenings in future posts. Stay tuned!

What are some of your favorite lesser-known people in history?

People doing Bad Things with Good Intentions || A Rant to Top all Rants

Some things are inexcusable. Even if they happen to be shroud in good intentions—or at least halfway decent ones. Unfortunately, some of my major push buttons happened to show up in books that I happen to love. And I disappointed myself when I didn’t consider them more until one of my favorite bloggers mentioned it. I’m a human, and I’m learning from my mistakes. So, I’m considering it now.

So, my lovely little readers, let’s talk about bad things done with good intentions.

First we’ll start with Rhys. My darling high lord of the night court. For those of y’all that haven’t read A COURT OF MIST AND FURY (henceforth being referred to as ACOMAF) yet, please run in the other direction if you don’t feel like reading spoilers.

Let’s talk about the scene towards the end of A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES. Feyre is underground, and in so, so much pain. Rhys helps her to forget, giving her something to drink to take all of the horrible memories away so that she does not have to bear the weight of them on her shoulders.

Putting something in her drink to make her forget. Does this not sound like something that is frequently linked to rape? Sexual assault? Date rape drug, anyone? Rohypnol, GHB, Ketamine are all drugs that are commonly slipped into drinks by the rapist/ sexual assailant to assist them with the sexual assault. They don’t really have any color or taste. There’s not a specific smell. Some are liquid and some can be ground into powders.

I’m sure Rhys had every good intention, while sexual assailants rarely (actually I’m going to just go ahead and say never ever) have good intentions. The fact of the matter is that Feyre, to my remembrance, did not consent to the memory wipe. No matter his intention, his hope to help, or his need to protect her by whatever means necessary, he still did something that I can’t quite forgive, even if she does not recognize it as an assault. 

For what he did, I can’t defend him. 

This is seen too often in our own world—things slipped into alcohol, soda, open drinks—and then the person waking up in pain, without a memory, or simply fuzzy stills of the night before. It should not be taken lightly. 

He did not have consent, so what he did was wrong. I love him, but I am so disappointed in him. And I think that most of us can recognize that there’s a line. He crossed it. And he doesn’t seem to be having any consequences for it. Which is SUPER annoying/frustrating/anger-inducing. 

I’m going to talk now about another book which I do really like, but had to put down because I was just so, so, so freaking angry by what the main guy did. For those of you who do not know, I just recently reviewed the book THE BEAR WHO LOVED ME. In it there’s a bear-shifter who’s tasked with revealing the whole being a bear thing to a human whose shifter nephew has gone missing and doesn’t know that there are shifters. Kind of a big reveal.

And it’s safe to say that he totally, irrevocably screwed it up. Big time.

Hint: drugging her is involved.

In order for her Not To Scream (because, that would just be complicated, yeah?) when he tells her about being a bear, and her nephew being one too (probably) he injects her with something to put her to sleep. After that he takes her back to his house and waits for her to wake up.

No that’s not super shady, extremely invasive, or infuriating at all. That would not make me question my safety. Nope.

That was all typed in the upmost sarcastic on tones.

Like, holy hell. WTF, man?

I can’t express my anger. Not in words. Maybe with some artfully placed knees to the groin. And running over with a car. I’m not a violent person (promise) but something fierce flashed in me when she faded to black.

I really hope that I don’t have to go into the reasons why this is so freaking not okay. Why this should not freaking be romanticized at the end of the novel. In fact, while I’m here thinking about it, I want to lower the rating. But I won’t. Because once there’s a rating on a book, that rating stays there.

But, good freaking lord have mercy, that is not okay.

Now that I’ve had a good rant, I want to hear your opinions. I love seeing social issues in books, but I like seeing them addresses appropriately. I don’t think these books did that. What are some books that you felt the same way? Some that you think did an awesome job? Have you read these?

Where I Psychoanalyze Myself: Sobbing + Books

I’M HERE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I DO IN FACT HAVE A HEART. IT BEATS. IT GUSHES BLOOD. THERE ARE VEINS AND MUSCLE. AND IT DOES FEEL MUSHY, EMOTIONAL THINGS OCCASIONALLY.

As a general thing, I do not cry when characters die. I mean, hell yes, I get super emotionally connected to the book characters. I’m romantically involved with more than I dare share with you, dear reader. I call even more of them some of my most trusted friends. And I know pretty much the summation of you reading this understand what I’m talking about.

(Looking at you, High Lord of the Night Court, Aedion, and Noah Elliot Simon Shaw)

All that being said, I can count on one hand the number of times the death of a character has cleaved off a fraction of my soul. You can probably name the most heartbreaking character death you’ve ever experienced and I can almost assure you that, if I read the book, I did not shed a tear. I probably didn’t even blink.

Unless it was an animal. Then there’s a pretty good likelihood I either didn’t read the book (Old Yeller, Marley and Me) or stopped reading it immediately.

If you follow me on Twitter or Goodreads, you’ll know I binge read the Throne of Glass series early August because one of my friends finished my collection as a late birthday present. (THANK YOU MY DARLING. KISSES.) Well, I was reading Queen of Shadows by the legendary S. J. Maas the other day when I had this both horrifying and kind of surprising revelation.

(spoiler: my heart isn’t made of ice, I do have a heart, and my soul is as much intact as yours is. Take that as you will.)

Y’ALL I START CRYING WHEN CHARACTERS HAVE INSELY HUMAN EXPERIENCES. THE WATER WORKS START FLOWING WHEN THE CHARACTER’S HIT ON MY OWN PERSONAL FEARS. AUTHORS, WHY ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME SO MUCH?

(but also thank you, because you’ve given me hope like I can’t describe)

These are the two books I remember the most that I read and sobbed like a freaking two-year-old who just had their hard-earned Halloween treats stolen from them. (why did you do that?) One of them is the afore-mentioned Queen of Shadows. The other book is Cinder & Ella by Kelly Oram.

In these two books my own personal fears pretty much materialized / immortalized themselves forever in paper. I felt like I was reading things that I thought only I knew, and that only I felt. And, sweet heavens above, I didn’t feel alone. In that moment, in the countless times I re-read those passages, teary-eyed and unable to move on with the rest of the book until I got a solid foothold on my emotions, I did not feel alone. And also in those moment, I hadn’t realized that I had felt alone.

Not until I had someone, a character in a book (and soon after a forever fixture in my brain) who actually got what I was feeling. That is why I cried. It’s probably why I don’t cry in books too often.

I’m a pretty happy, motivated human being. But I think everyone has a few insecurities, a few genuine fears. Mine are a little weird. And I usually don’t really know what they are until a character in a book has the same fear. Then it’s like a those were the words I didn’t know I could say, the ones I couldn’t find.

Waterworks, people. Waterworks.

The good kind, though. The relief kind. Where you find someone who gets it.

So anyways, humans, what do you think?

Me, In Real Life

IT IS MY FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE; SOMEBODY HOLD ME.

Okay, y’all have been with me through the thick and thin. (thanks for all the twitter love + happy wishes for the real world experiences)

When I began this book blog as a high school fishy, I never imagined that it would amount to all the opportunities I’ve been to gifted to have. Thanks to this lovely community of people I adore I’ve been in books, met and talked with the laughed with authors who I’m now happy to call my friends, met my New Adult buddies who’ve recc’d some killer reads, been to author events and book festivals.

I’ve even illustrated a children’s book with one of my closest and best friends.

I’ve interned with HelloFlo, working under some lovely ladies who’ve both made me a better writer.

Y’all are an awesome support group.

Anyways (no I’m not brushing away tears) (okay maybe I am a little bit) here’s to another new beginning! I hope you’ll be with me for another awesome 4 years.

The best is yet to come, babes. The best is yet to come.